Peace & Quiet & Other Impossible Things
by Casteline
Summary: She killed my dog! Crowley-centric, with vague Bobby/Crowley and mentions of Dean/Cas and Sam/Gabriel.


The idea of Domestic!Crowley is just too much fun to _not_ play with.

**WARNINGS**: Kid!fic. In which Dean and Cas have kids. Let's assume angel things happened to get them to this point, because the idea of mpreg squicks me out.

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**Peace & Quiet & Other Impossible Things**

Bobby had only left the house to go on a quick grocery run, he couldn't have been gone longer hand forty five minutes, despite Crowley's arguments to the contrary. When he returned, an armful of milk, cereal, cookies, and several pounds of salt, Crowley was lying on the couch, a bottle of scotch in hand.

"What happened to you?" Bobby asked, setting the bags down. Crowley was wearing a light blue apron which, along with his face and most of his upper torso, was covered in blood. Crowley grumbled and went to take a swig from the bottle, but it was snatched from his hands.

"Demons," he said, blindly reaching for the bottle. "About a dozen or so of 'em."

"What?"

"Don't worry, the tykes are fine. One of the little vermin blew them all up. Hence the demon guts."

"Blew them up?" Bobby repeated.

Crowley shrugged. "I dunno. One minute, they're attacking the house, the next, there's demon bits flying every which way and the littlest runt is clapping her hands. I know _I_ didn't do it."

"She blew up a dozen demons? She's barely a year old."

"Hey, don't ask me how she did it, I'm just the babysitter. Which reminds me, how do we always get roped into this?"

"Dean and Cas wanted to get started on some training for the boys," Bobby reminded him. "OR would you rather that they do the training on you?"

Crowley grumbled, and it sounded almost as though he was considering the idea. Bobby just walked away laughing. He knew that, in spite of the complaining and the arguing, he loved having the kid around.

_(Peace & Quiet & Other Impossible Things)_

Crowley decided that he really, really hated babysitting, and that Bobby was no longer allowed to leave the house when the grandkids were around. It seemed that every time he left, bad things happened.

"I'm not doing it anymore!" Crowley shouted when Bobby returned from the store a few days later.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Bobby asked, setting down several bags of salt. One of the bags burst open and started leaking its contents.

"Get that away from me!" Crowley exclaimed.

Bobby rolled his eyes and began sweeping the salt away.

"What happened this time? You're covered in blood again." Indeed, his already stained apron was once again soaked in red.

"She killed my dog!" he cried.

"What?"

"My dog! She killed him! Blew him up!"

Bobby stared at him expectantly. "Did the dog do something wrong?" he asked. He wasn't feeling entirely sorry over the death of mutt, as he had never been too fond of it. It was big and invisible, for starters, which meant he constantly tripped over it, and was quite often surprised to find so-called empty rooms growling at him.

"Did the dog do something wrong? _Did the dog do something wrong?_"

"It's a legitimate question."

"NO, THE DOG DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG! She just blew him up!"

Bobby studied him for a moment. "Did _you_ do something wrong?"

"Did I- What?"

"You did, didn't you? What was it this time?"

"I told her it was time to take a nap!" Crowley exclaimed after several awkward moments of hesitation.

"Did you tell her you were sorry?"

"Did I- _sorry?_ She's the one who blew up my dog!"

Bobby just stared him down for a few moments, before the demon sighed and sulked down the hall toward the toddler's room. A few minutes later, he returned, carrying a happy child in his arms.

"Hel houd," she bubbled, clapping her hands together. A moment later, there was a loud growl from somewhere near Bobby's knees, causing him to jump.

"Ya see?" he said.

"She's like a demon or something," Crowley hissed. Bobby raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you know what I mean, it's a figure of speech. But you know, you never see demon children. Now I know why. If this is how an Angel baby behaves, can you imagine a demon child?"

_(Peace & Quiet & Other Impossible Things)_

"GET THIS THING AWAYFROM ME!" Crowley shouted, thrusting the squirming, giggling child into the arms of Castiel and Dean Winchester.

"What did she do?" Cas asked, while Dean doubled over in laughter at the sight of Crowley, King of Hell, utterly terrified of a tiny child.

"Did you know that she can blow up demons with just a thought?" he asked. "And hellhounds, and pretty much anything that looks at her funny!"

"She has always seemed to be more in tune with her angel side than the boys were," Cas said, and the kid fell asleep on his shoulder.

"She can blow up demons?" Dean grinned. "That's my wittle girl."

Crowley shuddered. "I'm out of here," he said, turning away. "That abomination better be gone when I get back."

"Or you could just not come back," Dean offered. Crowley grunted something that was better left unheard.

"Did she really blow up demons?" Dean asked, turning his attention to Bobby.

Bobby nodded. "Been attacked twice since you left her here. Quite handy. Bitch to clean up though."

"Ah, that's why he's so bitter," Dean smiled.

"Nah, that's because she blew him up. Twice."

"And he's still kicking?" Dean said, disappointed.

"She seems to be able to put them back together just as easily as she can take them apart."

"Well boys," Dean said as his two sons ran into the house. "Looks like Mary will be joining us on the next hunt."

"Crowley will be glad to hear that," Bobby said. "No more babysitting."

"I wouldn't be too sure," Cas said. "I believe Sam and Gabriel will be dropping by next week, and they implied that your babysitting expertise might be required."

Bobby grinned. He loved having the kids around, even if they were messy and attracted unwanted demonic (and angelic) attention.

"I still do not understand why it is called baby-sitting," Cas said to Dean as they got back on the road to head home. "I would be quite worried if our children were being sat on."


End file.
